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When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda, by Zari L Ballard
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What is this epidemic called narcissism?
When we're involved with a narcissist, only those who've experienced the madness will ever understand what we're going through. The truth is that loving a narcissist is like riding the Roller Coaster from Hell without a safety harness in the dark and with Lucifer at the controls. If that sounds dramatic, then you've never loved a narcissist. If that sounds familiar, then this very special book may just change your life.
When Love Is a Lie is a both a personal memoir and a unique tell-all book about narcissism in relationships that bypasses the clinical and focuses on personal. Author Zari Ballard's personal journey through a 13-year relationship with a narcissistic partner will educate, enlighten, and empower you to evaluate the dysfunction in your current relationship. Compare her story and his narcissistic behaviors to your own experience and watch what happens. As it has for hundreds of readers worldwide, When Love Is a Lie is going to resonate with you in ways that no other book about narcissism ever has.
Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship with a Master Manipulator?
Do you know something's wrong but can't quite put your finger on it?
Are you subjected to silent treatments (and other passive-aggressive punishments)?
Do you find yourself addicted to the very drama that you hate?
Do you realize that a lover with a narcissistic personality will....
- ..over time, intentionally manage down our expectations of the relationship so that we expect less and less and they get away with more
- ..mimic the appropriate emotions at opportune times to achieve desired results
- ..subject us to silent treatments, disappearances/reappearances, and other passive-aggressive "punishments" when we dare to call them out on questionable behaviors
- ..create constant chaos day to day as an on-going method for keeping us in a heightened state of anxiety
- ..juggle many relationships at one time for years on end with no one being the wiser - not even you
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Visit Zari's Blog: thenarcissisticpersonality.com
- Sales Rank: #28487 in Books
- Published on: 2013-07-04
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .52" w x 5.50" l, .55 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 228 pages
From the Author
[Also by Zari Ballard: Stop Spinning, Start Breathing (Narcissist Abuse Recovery: Managing the Memories That Keep Us Addicted), Narcissist Free: A Survival Guide for the No-Contact Break-Up, & When Evil Is a Pretty Face (Female Narcissists & the Pathological Relationship Agenda)]
Deliberately non-clinical in content, When Love Is a Lie is a book based solely on my personal perspective and experience concerning narcissistic behavior. In other words, readers seeking medical explanations for narcissistic behavior or positive coping strategies for dealing with a narcissistic or psychopathic partner will be disappointed. When Love Is a Lie is about recognizing the reality of our situation when we love a narcissist or sociopath... and also about understanding our own codependency to the very drama that we claim to hate. It is my hope that, by demystifying typical narcissistic behavior patterns, we can move away from fear and escape the darkness before too much time has passed. I will outline the logical thought process that, after 12-long years with my own narcissistic abuser, helped me to accept the final discard and mentally let go of the pathological, narcissistic lie. It's a process for which I am most grateful and one that I feel could make a difference to others.
Knowing that passive-aggressive manipulation is, by its very nature, a difficult dynamic to comprehend, I make no attempt to sugarcoat the facts (as I believe many books on narcissism tend to do). That being said, instead of being difficult to write, the book itself - the writing process - was, indeed, very cathartic for me. I know now, of course, that I was simply ready to write it...to expose the pathological relationship agenda and admit to (and discuss) the codependency factor ..... to pass on what I learned from the experience and to share some words of inspiration given to me by some wise women (and men) who had been there, done that. It was, simply, time to make it happen.
If When Love Is a Lie succeeds in providing even just a single reader with a validation of her experience and the strength to either stay away or make an escape,then I will have more than exceeded my goals for this little book.
About the Author
Zari is a Freelance Writer/Author (and single mom) who resides with her son in Tucson, AZ at the base of the beautiful Catalina Mountains. Born and raised in Rhode Island, Zari, then an aspiring journalist, graduated from Rhode Island College with a B A in Mass Media Communications/English and headed off from the ocean state for a life in the Southwest.
In 2005, when her son's diagnosis with child-onset schizophrenia changed everything, Zari set aside the executive rat race in lieu of a home-based career as a Freelance Writer. A leap of faith that could have gone either way, the choice to work from home was meant-to-be and she has never looked back.
Motivated by the success of When Love Is a Lie, Zari has since published three additional books about narcissism in relationships - Stop Spinning, Start Breathing, a journal-style workbook about narcissist abuse recovery, Narcissist Free: A Survival Guide for the No-Contact Break-Up, and When Evil Is a Pretty Face, for male victims of female narcissists. In addition, she will be publishing a� memoir about her son's life and recording a podcast series based on her books about narcissism.
For informative articles about narcissism in relationships and the opportunity to communicate with Zari in forum-style conversations, please visit Zari's blog: TheNarcissisticPersonality.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
105 of 109 people found the following review helpful.
I swear this book was written about my ex!
By Emma Raphael
A very easy read about the Narcissist, written with honesty and straight to the point.
The common traits these people share was mind boggling to me, right down to they even use the same phrases, behaviour patterns and lies!
I found this book bought up all sorts of emotions for me as it hit very close to home.
I laughed at some of the things the author said / did, as I too have done exactly the same.
I got angry, as some of the authors stories triggered memories I had blocked out.
And I felt like I had been punched to the stomach when the author revealed more information about Narcissist's than I ever realised .
Highly recommended, and a great book to keep on hand for comfort,reassurance and strength for one of the toughest journeys I will ever go through .
84 of 96 people found the following review helpful.
Not all that helpful
By Amazon Customer
As much as I appreciate Zari Ballard's bravery in telling her story so honestly, as well as her desire to help other survivors of toxic relationships, I found that as this book went on it involved excessive generalization about narcissists based on her own particular situation and experiences. As someone who lived with a toxic partner for two years, I couldn't relate to the generalizations based on her 12-year relationship that didn't involve cohabitation. She ignores many common abusive behaviors, focusing rather on those of her own former partner.
In addition, the many blog posts she includes became really tedious after a while, so I ended up just skipping them - unfortunately, they make up a large percentage of the book. If presented as a cathartic memoir of her experiences, rather than a self-help book for survivors, I believe that would be a much more accurate portrayal of the book. I also think it's misleading not to let buyers know that much of the content is previously-published blog posts written by Zari and others, which we could read for free online.
Finally, I found the numerous spelling and grammatical errors to be a distraction, as there were a lot more than I expect to find in a published book.
41 of 48 people found the following review helpful.
New genre: Self-help Memoir
By Java Davis, author
The author has done a great deal of research on the subject of narcissism (N) and narcissism co-dependency (NCD), and it shows. But she does not claim to be a clinician, merely a woman who suffered 12 years of hell before discovering blogs full of insightful information and cheerleaders who helped her break the cycle of abuse.
The writing style can be a bit chaotic, switching between her own story, her blog posts, and the blog posts of others. I found some information repetitive. I think that's a GOOD thing since co-dependent people need to be told time and time again that it is THEIR SWORN DUTY to leave the relationship behind and move on. The author is honest about the times that she "fell off the No Contact wagon" but got right back on track.
I know that some people are sensitive to cursing, and the language here can be "salty" at times. I didn't find it offensive, but felt that a warning to Puritans is obligatory.
Into the mix of this emotional roller-coaster was the author's son, diagnosed with mental illness. Almost nothing is described about his life during the twelve years with the (N), and I was worried about him. I understand that the author will soon be publishing a follow-up book about dealing with her son's mental illness, and I definitely care enough about this mother and son that I will read it.
-- Java Davis
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